X. {Ninety-nine percent of the world’s lovers are not with their first choice. That’s what makes the jukebox play. - Willie Nelson}

I'm beginning to realize that I'm drawn to the wrong kind of person. The last two people I dated are the same person, generally. Ex-boyfriend number one defines them as being "in similar stages of growth, exploration, man-whorishness." Ain't that the damn truth?

Ex-boyfriend number one says I need someone noble. Who is noble anymore? It seems like all men want anymore is sex and someone to do their bidding. What the hell, I don't want to play wifey because it's expected of me. I want to do these things for someone because they DESERVE it.

All this came up because ex-boyfriend number one says I "...never go gaga over any guy," I act like they're all "eh, whatever." I don't completely agree, but I don't disagree either. Let's take a look at the past few men I've gone "gaga" over:

Ex-boyfriend number one: that was an amazing 3 years, when we weren't fighting. Things could have been better. I had an idea in my head of how things were and he had a different one. It ended badly.
Ex-boyfriend number two: I love his company, he makes me smile, he doesn't try to change me. When he wanted things to progress, I wasn't ready. When I was ready, he wasn't; he wanted to do the man-whore, single thing. C'est la vie.
The six-pack: I should have made my intentions clear. I should have said yes when I said no, should have been more assertive. He found someone else, they're very happy. I'm happy for them and totally jealous of their cuteness.
Mr. Blue Eyes: This, I think, was pure curiosity. It had been there in my mind for a while and I finally had the balls to act on it. Not sure how I felt about it afterward. It was more a mental thing.
Baby Daddy: He's too cute and too much fun, but the whole kid thing is kind of a turnoff. He's a great dad and his munchkin is too cute for words, but no me interesa.

I guess I just have to find the right person. Easier said than done though. I have a idea of what I want in my head and heart, but finding that person in real life is pretty damn difficult. How does one meet new people? I'm too scared of this online dating thing; I fear the psychos. Meeting a guy in a bar is kinda weird too.

Damn complexities. The universe just needs to deliver me someone.

Right, cause that really happens.